INT. BALLROOM HALL
Decorated in wedding decor. Each table filled with guests.
The DJ, dressed
in a kilt, combat boots, jacket, tie, top
hat, and long dark hair, confronts his audience.
The classical music subsides.
While you sit and enjoy
meal, the brother of the bride would like
to make a toast.
Standing up from the head table, ZANE, walks over, grabs the
microphone from the DJ.
Thank you...Marilyn. Leave it to my
sister to hire Marilyn Manson
special guest DJ.
The crowd chuckles.
First of all, I would like to welcome my
new brother into
the family. I don't
think you really know what you got
I'm usually not too good
at these things, but I do have a story
you. Many years ago, I was at home
with my sister, alone. Our parents were
out, probably shopping or something.
Anyways, to show you the kind of passion
and dedication and loyalty my sister
truly encompasses, well, maybe I should
fill you in. I used to tease her a lot.
Someone screams out, "Get on with it".
This one particular day, we were chasing
each other around
the house. And I
thought it would be funny if I locked her
I did. She got mad, I remember
her pounding on the door, screaming at
the top of her lungs, literally waking
the dead. The madder she got, the harder
I laughed. That's the passion. Now the
dedication and loyalty kicks in next.
She decides to stick her face up against
the glass, next to the door.
OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR! All
I saw was
a big mouth pressed against the
glass. So I decided to punch the glass.
She drops back, not saying a word. I
open the door concerned. She runs into
the house, holding her tooth in her hand,
which I didn't realize at the time. All
of a sudden I hear. I'm gonna kill you!
This is the dedication part, dedicated to
kill me. Now the loyalty part kicks in,
because her favorite movie was Chucky,
and sure enough she charged me with a
butcher knife, the size of her arm,
raised above her head, blood flying down
her face. Literally my life flashed
before my eyes. All I kept hearing and
seeing was the arm coming down into my
chest. (imitating Chucky) ewk, ewk, ewk.
Her husband jumps out of his seat. Everyone doesn't know
whether to laugh or cry.
I take off running
out the door, slamming
it as hard as I could, breaking the door
I didn't care, I took off down
the block. I come back thirty minutes
later, the butcher knife, stuck in the
door. She couldn't remove it. Moral of
the story, don't lock your wife out of
He raises his glass
of red wine for a toast.
MARYROSE, the sister bride, stands up horrified.
I can't believe you just told everyone
The DJ grabs the microphone from Zane.
OK, after the
meal we will a...cut the
Music starts again. Zane downs his glass of wine,
stumbling off the stage drunk.
INT. BALLROOM HALL, BATHROOM - LATER
Maryrose's older sister, CASANDRA is wiping her dripping
mascara from her face.
Why is Zane such an asshole? Now my
husband is totally scared
Well, that's not necessarily a bad thing.
They both laugh.
I swear he's
got a problem.
We all know he's an alcoholic.
about it. Come on, don't let him spoil
your wedding day.
You're right. Thanks, Big Sis.
BALLROOM HALL - CONTINUOUS
Zane walks over puts his arms around his sisters.
Sorry Sis. I thought it would be funny.
Zane, leave her alone. Don't spoil her
He walks off dancing, carrying his glass of wine. Maryrose
and Casandra start dancing. Maryrose's husband, PHIL,
Your brother is frigin nuts.
Let's not talk about him. Dance with me
The DJ turns off the music.
Alright, can I have the bride and groom
join me by their cake.
Phil leads Maryrose to the cake.
(handing Maryrose the knife)
Hmmm, maybe I shouldn't do this.
He cracks a smile, hands her the knife.
Music kicks in, everyone sings.
The bride cuts the cake, the bride cuts
the cake, high ho the
merry oh, the bride
cuts the cake.
Maryrose picks up the pice of cake with
Everyone starts singing again.
The bride feeds the groom, the bride
feeds the groom, high ho the merry oh,
the bride feeds the groom.
Maryrose shoves the cake in Phil's face, smearing it all over
People go crazy.
Oh my God. Napkin please.
Someone runs over a napkin, hands it to Phil.
I'm afraid to do this next one. Everyone
The music kicks back in. Everyone sings.
groom feeds the bride, the groom
feeds the bride, high ho the merry oh,
the groom feeds the bride.
Phil feeds the piece of cake to Maryrose. She takes a bite.
The crowd appreciates that he does not shove it in her face.
Phil wipes the
cake all over her face. They each grab
another piece of cake and shove it in their faces again.
This is crazy.
They kiss, then eat the cake off each other's face.
Phil and Maryrose embrace again.
INT. BALLROOM HALL - LATER THAT NIGHT
Maryrose is standing next to the DJ, and
all the single girls
are crowded behind her.
On the count of three.
One, two, three.
Maryrose throws her bouquet. The bride's maid, PENELOPE,
beautiful blonde, catches it. Everyone cheers.
Alright, let's see who the lucky guy is
going to be. Come on up Phil, bring all
the single guys.
The guys rush the
floor. Music accompanies the count down.
DJ & CROWD
One, two, three.
Phil throws the garter belt. Zane leaps over the crowd,
grabs the garter
Maryrose laughs, knowing she is in for it.
DJ sits Penelope in the chair, center
of the dance floor.
Everyone clears the dance floor. Zane walks up with the
in his mouth, acting the fool.
I know you all wish
you were me.
Penelope seems a bit nervous. The DJ blind folds Penelope.
That's right, blind pleasure.
I don't know about this.
Zane dips his finger in his wine and rubs it across her lips.
She takes in his finger, then bites.
Pleasure and pain, can this wedding get
any better? What's your
I don't know, something funky.
How about some James Brown!
"I Feel Good" plays.
Zane starts dancing around Penelope. He ends at her feet.
Zane removes her right shoe, massaging it slowly. The garter
still hangs from his mouth. She extends her
foot. He kisses
her foot, then loops the garter around her ankle. He slowly
rises up her
leg, head under her dress. His hands stay
outspread to show he is still using his mouth.
The excitement and embarrassment rises to Penelope's face.
She doesn't stop him. Everyone eggs him on.
His head is fully submerged under her dress. He stays there
for a good long moment.
She pushes his head back down,
Zane comes out from under her dress, very excited.
removes the blind fold from her eyes.
That was the best I've ever seen.
I feel good.
Penelope walks over to the table with Zane. They sit.
So does this mean we're dating now?
She playfully slaps him.
I can't believe you did that.
What? You're the hottest girl here.
Oh, is that
I saw an opportunity.
And you took it.
You know I've always liked you. Oh my
God, did I just say that?
It was either you or the drinks?
I have to be truthful. I used to spy on
you getting dressed in my sisters room.
If you were
me, you'd do the same.
Why didn't you ever tell
What, hit on my little sister's best
friend? That's not cool, Maryrose would
of kicked my butt.
Or stabbed you to death.
They both laugh.
Wanna take a smoke break?
I don't smoke.
her hand, leads her outside. Maryrose catches them
leaving from the corner of her eye.
EXT. HOTEL - NIGHT
The moon shines down upon them. Zane pulls a joint from his
lights up. Coughing back the hit, hands it to her.
(hits the joint, coughs)
This is strong.
Maryrose sneaks up behind them.
What are you kids doing?
Penelope gets scared.
Oh God, you scared me.
I can't believe you didn't invite me.
Sorry sis, I didn't know how Phil feels
He maybe my husband, but he ain't gonna
tell me I can't smoke a joint.
She passes it to Zane. Penelope eyes Phil.
of the devil.
Oh shit, gotta go, thanks for the
She leaves, takes Phil by the arm walks him away from them.
Yeah, my ass she's doesn't give a shit
what he says. That's
why I'm never
Well, unless your husband smokes.
They pass the joint back and forth a couple more times, he
stamps it out.
He goes in for the kiss.
INT. BALLROOM HALL - LATER THAT NIGHT
dancing having a great time.
The DJ gathers everyone into a Congo line. They all line up
dancing holding on to each person's hips in front of them.
They weave in and out of the others sitting
at the tables.